Why Be a Diva When You Can Be Divine?
By Marilyn Williams

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I love the television show “Extreme Makeover, Home Edition”. The stories are heart-warming and intriguing as we learn the details of a family’s plight and their dire need for a bigger, newer home due to injury, illness or simply difficult circumstances. The needs are evaluated and then the family is sent away on an all-expense paid vacation while the makeover team works their magic. They are often assisted by citizens in the community who gladly volunteer their time, talent and resources to help a family less fortunate. It reminds us that there is still good in this world.

When one considers an “Extreme Makeover,” one often thinks of external change…a radical change so different that one could hardly believe their eyes. This reality show does not disappoint. They don’t just repair or update the existing house; they actually transform it into a completely new structure—inside and out—all from the generosity of others. It is this “transformation” that causes millions across America to drop everything and fix their eyes on such a miracle. The family returns to find their house, in all its brokenness and dysfunction, completely torn down to be utterly non-existent and a newer, better one—far beyond their dreams—in its place. It shows us that once the old is stripped to the ground and disintegrated into a past memory, something new and completely different can begin. It reminds me of my life.

In need of an extreme makeover
Coming to a faith in the Lord Jesus Christ at the age of nineteen, I was finally ready to admit I could not improve or repair my life into what I truly wanted; I was in desperate need of an extreme makeover! I had tried everything from the outside to make my life new, but even the best of cover-ups left me empty of love and filled with self-doubt. From as early as I can remember, I was repeatedly sexually molested by my father, grandfather and their friends…sometimes even in groups. Incest is a dirty, ugly word. Living it is even uglier. How I survived such a severely abusive childhood is a miracle in itself. I was somehow able to dissociate from the painful reality of my life at home to happily romp on the playground and function in school without anyone knowing my secret.

My coping mechanism of choice was performance and achievement. If I could get good grades, be elected President of my school or win an academic scholarship, no one would know the painful life I lived behind closed doors. But no matter how hard I tried to repair my broken heart, my pain continued to leak out in unwanted places. Trying desperately to find self-esteem in beauty, I ended up bulimic for over fifteen years of my life. Over-achieving in academic excellence, I suffered my first clinical form of depression my senior year in high school and was too burned out to compete for scholarships. Later, my attempts to be a perfect wife and mother only led to my family refusing my critical sprit and dominating style. My attempts on the outside—to fix me on the inside—only drove me to further depression, anxiety attacks, social phobias, and the ultimate diagnosis of Multiple Personality Disorder. I had tried my best to fix up my broken and dysfunctional heart, but I needed more than repairs. My hope was only in Jesus Christ, who promised to exchange my broken heart for His Holy Spirit living inside me. Looking at the extent of the damage within me, I knew a total transformation was my only hope. 

The transformation process
Looking to God for my identity not only proved to be the winning choice, but began the transformation process. Unfortunately, the process of tearing down the old and building something new is not so black and white. People are more complicated than houses, and our soul is a fragile and precious commodity to God. First, we must be willing to let go of the old and all of its familiarity…not so easily done. I often wonder how difficult it is for the family on the television show to let go of all they know as their home, even though the odds are that anything new will be better than what they had. Terror and even anger went through my heart and mind as I watched God tear down the only identity I had known. Despite its dysfunction and dangerous conditions for the quality of my life, my broken life was familiar. Would God truly replace it with something better or would I end up running back to dig up any remains I could find of my old identity?

The truth is, we all have two places to draw our identity from: the world or God. It may seem like your choices are many, but all of life’s coping mechanisms outside of God are external temporary solutions and belong to an external and temporary world. Anything we lean on for strength, identity, and purpose outside of the Holy Spirit will cripple us. In fact, whether we like it or not, God has created mankind to bear His image. The Holy Spirit’s job within us is to bear witness regarding the glory and eternal power of the Lord Jesus Christ to us, in us, and through us. We, as fallen human beings from this glorious and eternal image, will never find the satisfaction or significance we are seeking in our everyday lives outside of God. So my question to you is the same one God continues to ask me everyday: Which image will you choose to bear…the world’s or God’s? Moreover, why be a Diva when you can be Divine?

Women around the world are in constant motion attempting to gain identity, acceptance, and significance. Unfortunately, most women buy into the world’s lies of a false image of failing beauty, fleeting success, or a destructive sexual identity. But women, it is time to wise up! Do we really want to be as shallow as Easu when he traded his spiritual blessing for a fleeting bowl of stew? (Genesis 27) My heart cringes as I look upon the investment of energy and focus I have foolishly placed in my identity, only to come up empty and gasping for real air.

As God began to train me in what is real and what is temporary, He also began to place upon my heart a desire to bear the image of the divine instead of a diva. I was challenged to allow God to draw up the blueprints for my life, no matter how foreign they may seem, and follow his lead.

Finding the strength to let go and surrender
I will never forget one of my most challenging, yet life-changing moments. I had tried everything I could to get better emotionally and heal from Multiple Personality Disorder. Hollywood has done this diagnosis a disservice; it is really an extreme form of dissociation. I was not always able to stay in the present, and the past was a haunting ghost that seemed to kidnap me and bring me back to the horror I endured as a child. I went to counseling for many years; some of it was extremely helpful, and some not so helpful. Good or bad counseling, I had made an identity for myself in my pain and I knew how to function within it. But God wanted to do something completely new in my heart, so I agreed one morning to give Him a try.

For years, I had relied on my old coping mechanism of dissociation and resulting multiple personalities to get through the day. In fact, I believe it was a gift from God to help me survive the violent, sexual, and group incest I experienced as a child. Obviously, my alter-egos had served me well for a season, but those personalities had appetites I could no longer appease. My creative coping had turned on me, entangling me into a life of clinical depression, bulimia, suicidal ideations, crippling anxiety and many physical ailments. What once was an emotional gift from God to keep me from going crazy was now driving me deeper into insanity. Now God was challenging me to draw my strength and identity from something I did not have as a child—His Holy Spirit within me. Even though I had given my broken heart in exchange for His Spirit 15 years prior to that morning, I was still leaning on my old coping mechanisms to function and find my sense of identity. But God made it clear to me that I was no longer a child alone in a dark place; I now had his Spirit within me to make me whole and keep me whole. Although terrifying, it was time to let go, to surrender and trust Him. So I said, “Okay, Lord, you’re on!”

That morning, kneeling at my fireplace with a stack of index cards, I literally gave Him every part of me. One by one, I let go of my alter-personalities. On one side, I wrote down the name of the personality and why God gave her to me in the first place; and then on the other side of the card, I wrote why I no longer needed her. For instance, “Tera,” was a terrified little girl I would regress into because Tera was the part of me that took the horrific abuse so I could forget about it. But God showed me that morning I no longer needed Tera to function because I now have His Holy Spirit to sustain me. God confirmed this in His Word for me. “Perfect love casts out fear.” I no longer needed Tera to carry my fear; God’s love is bigger than even my greatest of fears. “Joy” was another alter-personality. She was the part of me that kept me separated from the horror of the abuse; she was the joy-filled playful child within me, despite my circumstances. But once again, I no longer needed Joy because “The joy of the Lord is my strength.”

I was not merely replacing my old coping mechanisms for new ones; but like “Extreme Makeover, Home Edition,” I left my old life in my fireplace for total destruction, and then let God draw up His new plans for me. What is important to realize is that although my brokenness may not resemble yours, God has new plans for your life as well. And while it is frightening to let go of the coping mechanisms you have drawn your identity from, the only way into God’s new plans for your life is to completely let go of your old ways. Like the family who drives away and allows the experts to take over their precious home, God desires that we let go and dare to be transformed from the inside-out.

Our identity as image-bearers
I spoke before the President of Ivory Coast, Africa in 2005 during the climax of their civil war. I will never forget his words to me in thanking me for speaking to them that evening. He shared, “When you go through a crisis it is easy to forget who you really are. But tonight, you have reminded us of our true identity.”

We all have pain, and we will all go through seasons of crisis. Life in this world promises us challenges of every kind. It is natural for us to forget that which we were originally intended for. In grasping for healing and strength, we are too often tempted to take on worldly coping mechanisms which fit our liking: hatred, unforgiveness, lust, greed, pride, drunkenness, and the like. God has graciously chosen mankind to be His image bearers. May we never compromise that eternal image for a destructive identity of this temporary world. Instead, like the courageous families who let go of everything they have and release total control to the producers of the Extreme Makeover television show, may we continually offer our hurts, challenges, and obstacles to His craftsmanship over our souls. If we have exchanged our broken image for the glorious image of His Son, Jesus the Christ, may we find our true and eternal identity by placing our trust and our every hope in the power of His Holy Spirit living inside of us. May our souls reflect the glorious image of a good and loving God instead of bearing the broken image of this ravaged and avenging world. So I ask you once again: “Why be a Diva when you can be Divine?”